Happy Birthday my sweet Drake! (this is long but read if you can!)

So I decided rather than to wallow in my sorrow which is what I really want to do, I wanted to take this time to actually count my blessings of this very special and sacred day we had one year ago. We have been so blessed to have had Drake come to our family and it has also been very painful to have had him leave so quickly.
So these "blessings" are not in any specific order, but rather I wrote them down in sequence of how the day(s) unfolded:
Huge Blessing #1-For the Spirit to give me the comfort I needed the moment I felt like something was wrong. I knew before we went to the hospital that he wasn't going to live because of the quiet whisperings of the spirit.
Thank you for the Priesthood and Brandon who was able to give me a blessing to decide whether or not we needed to go to the hospital on the 9th. He blessed me with peace and comfort.
Thank you to our amazing friend Stasia who we called late on April 9th to come and watch the kids for us so we could go to the hospital to make sure everything was ok. Friends like her are one in a million!
Thank you to the nurses who didn't let me go home when I wanted to, but rather monitored me for awhile only to find out there were problems.
Thank you to Dr. Hatch and Dr. Garrabedian (that's probably NOT how his name is spelled) who took extra precautions by doing extra tests and ultrasounds and never panicing. Thank you for reccomending I deliver Drake early that morning because of a few minor things that didn't look right. If it were not for their efficiency, Drake would not have lived in my womb for much longer. Thank you to these amazing Doctor's that delivered him successfully via caesarian and gave him the opportunity to breathe and live.
Thank you to Brandon, Don and Mike who were able to give Drake a blessing shortly after his birth which would be his only priesthood blessing on this earth. It would also be the only time Brandon saw his beautiful blue eyes as Drake opened them and turned his head at the sound of his Daddy's voice.
Thank you to Mom who was at my bedside shortly after my operation to make sure I was ok. Thank you for cell phones and sisters who would answer them at 4:00 am!
Thank you to the sweet nurse who took pictures of Drake in the NICU since I did not have a chance to see him after he was born. Oh and also the nurse who let me squeeze her as I was getting my spinal block. Brandon was scrubbing down so he could be by me and was not there for that part of the operation which was so scarey for me.
Thank you to the pastor who came in and said a prayer for me and my baby. We all pray to the same man and He hears all prayers.
Thank you to Dr. Mertz. The most amazing, sympathetic man I have ever met in the medical field. He was Drake's angel. He tried to save him, yet he was very honest with us from the very beginning as to how sick our sweet little boy was and that he did not have too much of a chance to survive. He is my angel too!
Thank you to the nurses who took good care of my baby while he was undergoing a very extensive blood exchange and when his life came to an end that evening, thank you for their tears.
Thank you to the doctor and nurse who were doing cpr and breathing for Drake long enough for Brandon and I to get to the NICU to see him take his final breath.
Thank you for the tears shed by the hemeotologist, Dr. Adams at the death of our sweet baby.
Thank you for Charlotte who had been watching our kids the whole day and when I called her to bring the kids down to the hospital, I think she flew. Thank you to my sweet Autumn and Jaxon who were so sweet and so reverent with their baby brother. Thank you that they were able to hold him and kiss him and tickle his toes. Thank you to Jessica and Mark and Mom and Dad who were at the hospital as soon as they heard the news and took lots of photos for us. Thank you to Camille who drove from Fresno in record time to be with us in the hospital.
Thank you to the sweet nurses who warmed Drake after we had our time to hold him so they could take pictures of him. Thank you to them for bringing him back to me warm.
Thank you to Bishop Garvin who had all ready spread the word of Drake's sickness and death and all the prayers that were going out on our behalf.
Thank you to Dad and Becky who stayed with me all day one day at the hospital while Brandon was away making funeral arrangements. Thanks Dad for making me laugh even though it hurt SO bad! And thanks dad for getting the meds I needed to help my bloating go away.
Thank you to Kathleen Kubo who was the only person I wanted to see outside of family to help us plan the funeral. Her spirit is amazing! Thank you to Bishop and Sis Garvin who came and offered many words of comfort and shared the story of their loss with us. They gave us great counsel. Thank you to Melissa Vassallo who sent a sweet basket of treats and a book for us to the hospital. Thank you for the flowers from Derek and Ellen who were so far away but wanted us to know they were thinking of us. Thank you for the nurses who gave us a little memory box with Drake's things in it. Thank you to Nancy, Jenn and Britt who came to the hospital and brought a sweet gift, ESPECIALLY the blanket I got to wrap my oerfect little angel in. I can still smell him on that blanket!
Thank you to the dozens of people who made and brought meals, who donated money, who cleaned our house. The list goes on and on. Thank you to Dennis Hamilton with Green Valley Mortuary and his generosity. Thank you to Chad Robinson who took good care of my baby's body after it left the hospital. Thank you to the zillions who sent cards, flowers and prayers. Thank you to Noel and her friend that got her a buddy pass so she could be with us. Thank you to Grandpa Jim and Paul who built Drake's casket and Grandma Judy who lined it with beautiful white satin. Thank you to Derek and Ellen who flew down to be with us and share sweet stories with us about their Madeline. Thank you to Noel and Mom for putting flowers together for Drake's casket. Thank you to Becky who took photos of the service. Thank you to all our family and friends who came to the funeral and all those who didn't but I know wanted to be there. Your spirit and prayers were definitely there! Thank you to Heather Baez for watching Autumn so many times and taking her to and from school.
All of these things mean alot and as I go through this day I will probably remember a ton of other blessings we received from this experience.
But last (I really hope you have read this far) I want to tell my sister Jessica, the woman behind the scenes, that I owe her my life! She did SO much to help us. I don't want ANYONE to think I do not appreciate them any less, but Jessica really made a huge difference being there and making sure our EVERY NEED was taken care of. I don't think there was anything she missed.
Also, the biggest thank you to Folsom 4th Ward. The Relief Society, The Bishopric, and the Young Women and everyone else! What an amazing ward! We truely will forever think of them as family as we shared this special event with them!
I have NOTHING to be sad about. I know this is long, but it is therapy for me! I KNOW I will be with Drake again and I KNOW his sweet spirit looks after us. I feel him so close sometimes and I know he is busy doing the Lord's work. He is an amazing boy and this whole experience has changed our lives forever. Thank you all for the AMAZING blessing you have been in our lives! If I didn't mention your name, it does not mean I do not remember how you blessed us. There are just So many! You will never know how you have touched us and there are not enough words to express our gratitude!
Much Love,
The Mom who longs for her baby boy,
Melissa